Journaling

“Journal writing is a voyage to the interior.” –Christina Baldwin

I have kept a journal since I was in the 6th grade. Even then I knew that I needed a place to write down my thoughts, feelings and the going ons of my life. I needed a place where I could be honest and true, something that I couldn’t always do with friends and family.

Over the years, the purpose of my journal went from being the place where I was my most honest, open self, sharing my dreams, aspirations, thoughts, etc. to a place where I kept a chronicle of the events that happened in my life. I didn’t discuss my hurts, happiness or disappointments. I didn’t discuss my feelings or the lessons learnt from those experiences. I cheated myself from growth.

As time past I realized that there were certain experiences I kept going through, the same dead-end relationships, the same stoppage of growth and learning. I get to a certain part of a journey or experience and I’d either get stuck or have that feeling of deja vu. For a while I let that cycle play out, not being happy about the situation but not knowing what it was or how to fix it. Until, I decided to put in the work to stop the madness of the cycle. I started asking myself questions of why did certain situations feel familiar, why did it feel like I had been down this particular path before?

The answers, when I found them, were in a box in the basement of my home. My journals supplied answers to some of the questions that I had about feeling like I had been down a certain road before. But because of how I stopped being honest with myself in my journal writing, how I stopped analyzing my feelings and thoughts, there were still many questions left unanswered.

This experience has led me back to how things were in the very beginning. My journal has become the place where I am most honest with my thoughts and feelings. Once again it is a place where I can examine me, see what works or doesn’t. Journaling now allows me to grow, no more editing to make it look good, because I have finally realized that in life, there will be good times, there will be bad times, but all times are times for learning, living and growing. There are no edits or do overs, you just go out and live.

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