Last weekend there was a poetry event that I really wanted to attend. I asked several of my girlfriends, but for whatever reason they were unable to attend. Most of my male friends work at night just like me and were unable to attend also.
Usually that ends my story, if I don’t have anyone to roll with I stay home. Needless to say, my social life is almost null because of it. I have crazy work hours, not to mention that I work weekends, and most of my friends hours are a lot like mine. Then there is also the fact that everyone doesn’t like the things that I do — I have an eclectic style according to some people. I love gritting hip-hop concerts, any kind of spoken word events, and I love going to museums to name a few. Not too many of my friends can say the same.
So trying to find events that will make everyone happy is hard to say the least, so most things get passed over because not everyone agrees. If by chance we can find an event that everyone likes, there is still the issue of getting someone to watch my child for me. There’s always something, so more often than not I don’t go out. So last weekend I had a sitter and no plans. Well actually I did have plans but no one to go with. I was just getting ready to talk myself into staying home and chilling with my son when a voice said, “Go alone.”
Hmm, I thought, would it be so bad if I went alone? I used to always roll solo, and I used to have a lot of fun doing so. I don’t always play well with others, no, just joking, but I don’t always like going out with people because I don’t want to leave if I’m not ready, or wait if I’m ready to go. Also I don’t always like to be bothered with casual conversation, jokes, etc. I just want to see the event.
So ignoring all other voices, I got dressed and trekked to the event solo. And had a ball. I heard some good poets, met several nice people who encouraged and inspired me. And I wouldn’t have met those wonderful souls if I had stay home instead of traveling solo.
Last week I went to church with my son and mother. My son was participating in the service, and I went to support. I have been a part of that particular church since I was 8 years old. I have floated in and out their ministries for years as I struggled with my spirituality. Recently I have been going on occasion as my son is now a member of the church and take part in various activities.
I have a weird relationship with church, and I find it extremely hard to explain or comprehend. I believe in God, I have faith in God, and I believe that Jesus died for my (our) sins. That is the extent of my faith and belief. I have a hard time with the politics inside of the church building, and I sometimes have issues with the way people carry themselves inside of the church building. When I don’t like or agree with the way things are going, I don’t deal with it, I remove it out of my life. I don’t try to understand the situation and I can’t always ignore what upsets my spirit so I let it go. I know you are supposed to go to church and the word is your main focus but its hard to focus on the word when you hear negative comments coming from the people around you.
But to be honest I miss the feeling of community that I get while in church. The majority of the people are loving and sincere. The word is uplifting and positive, giving you something to think about, learn from and carry with you through the week. The songs soothes my weary spirit, rejuvenating the mind and body. I may not have all of the answers in regards to my issues with going to church or the people in it, but I do know that my spirit was missing something that has been found inside of the service. Although I may not be able to go every week, I will try to go to church service more often.
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Yesterday I picked my 10 year old son up from school. Realizing that he had a light homework load, I decided to do something different. First we went to a barbershop for a shape up, then off to a neighborhood diner for dinner.
It wasn’t a real spectacular event, just different. Its rare that we go out on a school night. We ordered dinner and just talked. We touched on a whole bunch of subjects: school, his birthday which is approaching soon, girls, among other things. There was no rushing, no sense of urgency, just mother and son enjoying a meal and each other’s company.
Later that night, after we returned home and continued our regular school night routine, my son came to me before he got in bed and told me today was one of the best days in his life. My heart swelled with happiness. My son, at the age of 10, already realizing what’s important in life, spending quality time with your loved ones.
Recently a friendship ended in my life. I considered this person to be a very close friend and confident. We shared thoughts and aspirations with each other. Shared personal histories and secrets, I opened up and told this person things I never told anyone. This person did the same with me. We both have a creative side and I shared my poetry and writings with them. We were supposed to begin working on a piece together.
But while we had those wonderful interactions above, there was another side to our friendship. There were times when negative energy would come inside of our friendship and we didn’t always behave on a friendly level. Also we were, at times, too much alike and bumped heads often. While those arguments were draining I believe we both learned a lot from them, about ourselves, and about people in general.
Now that the friendship has ended, and yes it was over petty nonsense, I am mourning the friendship. I will no longer have that person to shoot my ideas with. I will no longer have that person to share my writings with, my biggest critic,editor is gone. No more late night phone calls sharing secrets, giving advice or just catching up with the goings on of each others life. I will definitely miss the interactions, but now I question how much of a friendship it actually was if it could end so easily over nonsense. I am not one to open up to friends easily but I did and realize I actually like it. Even though this one is gone I now realize that I am able and willing to invest in having friends again.